I got the Fat Ass Blues

So on my way to bed the other night, I went to crawl in bed with Heather, as I usually do. However, I when I reached the door to her room, I wasn't allowed in. I called her name, and then made all the noises I could, even scratched at the door (which always works on her), but nothing. The door remained shut. What the hell is going on here?

I don't understand what has happened. Heather's always been my pet, not the other way around. I've always gotten her to cater to me. So just what the hell is going on here?

First, I wasn't any longer allowed to eat, drink, or do any sort of business in her room. And when I wasn't allowed into her room even to sleep, I began to feel a bit of worry.

On top of that, my day-time place of relaxation - the heated tile floor - is no longer heated. The windows have been open too, so not only is the floor no longer heated, but it's cold! What happened to the heat?? And then, there's tons of noise coming from outside - cars, construction... I'd jump, but I know I'd land safely on my feet.

So I had a great idea to really pull at Heather's heart strings. I perched myself as comfortably as I could on Dave's bed giving myself a great view of the kitchen and mommy's room. It was tough - his bed is really uncomfortable. I had to move the blankets around so I had some decent padding. But the effort was going to be worth it - I was going to show her that I didn't care that I wasn't allowed to sleep in her room, I'm perfectly comfortable here in Dave's room. Every time she walked by, I was sure to give her my best "Yea, I've found a new place to sleep. How do you like dem apples?" look. It was gonna work like a charm.

But it didn't! Still not allowed in! So I was forced to further my tactics. I repeatedly rubbed up against Dave's leg as best I could to show mommy who my favorite now is and, of course, to get him to give me some attention. But he's apparently not affected by my cute purring and pawing. What the hell is going on here???

I decided to spend the nights in Dave's room. His bed may be uncomfortable, but at least I'm allowed in. And wouldn't you know, after all the work I did to rearrange those blankets to make his bed somewhat comfortable, he goes and takes them out from underneath me. Helpless, I gave him a pretty good hiss. Is there nowhere I can lay in peace and comfort?!

To top it all off - after being kicked out of bed, the outside noise, the cold floor, and my food and bathroom relocated - I am beginning to forget my name. Today, mommy, Dave and this other guy (who likes to throw socks at me) came in today. I heard them downstairs and so I went right to stare at the door, assured that I would be fed as soon as mommy walked in and saw how much of an angel I was.

Heather walks in, and I hear the familiar "Hey sweetie!" Then came Dave and his "Hey Fat Ass." Then came the sock-thrower, who has taken MY place next to mommy in bed, and he greeted me as "Hey Gooball." I don't know what "Gooball" is, but I know I don't like it.

Not an easy week in the life of Zoe, The Fat Ass Cat.