Quick Hits

Some quotes thrown out by students this past week:

"A woman is an adult when she can say 'yes' to a man without any bad feelings, and a man is an adult when he can say 'no' to a woman without any bad feelings."

While motioning to his stomach, "You know, the tube your shit goes into." This is how I taught "intestines."

From the same student, who was laid up in a hospital for a few weeks after a real bad skiing fall, describing how he would have hit on one of his attending nurses, if it had been practical, "Hey baby, I'd love to go out with you... but first, can you put this tube into my asshole?"

Some lovely thoughts for a Friday morning.

I'm off to Switzerland this weekend to see my friends Scott and Eda, which will include a day's trip to Milan to see a soccer match.

Not a bad life, this is.

Where Have You Been?

To be honest, I've been in Wien and Viden. Both can be "loosely" translated as Vienna.

After a day or two to myself in Austria, my folks joined me, and then spent the rest of the week in Prague. I have to say that Vienna most accurately fit my original idea of a European city. Modern, but plenty of old buildings. Good flow of traffic, good food, very interesting sights. Way too much to see in the couple days I was there. Nonetheless, I still got to hear some good music, eat some good food, and see some interesting sights.


As great as Vienna was, I was bummed to have missed Prague's Easter festivities. Apparently the Czechs celebrate Easter in a, well... different way. Guys chase after girls - frequently people they know, but certainly not always - with these whip-like sticks and whip the girls on their butts and the backs of their legs if they are caught. It's supposed to keep the women healthy and beautiful for the coming year. The more whipping, the greater health and beauty. In some rural Czech towns, they seem to take this pretty seriously. When asked in class this week about it, many of my female students were not too happy about their sore bodies.
Here's one young Czech boy being led on his first Easter hunt.

But men are only allowed to whip girls until noon. After that, the women have a chance to get even by throwing water on the men. I'm sorry I missed it.

At the end of their week in Prague, the folks and I also took a day trip to Kutna Hora - a small Czech town about an hour away. Why Kutna Hora? you may ask. The main attractions in this town are an old silver mine and Kostnice, aka the bone church. In the mine, the corridors were, at some places, as short as 120 centimeters and as narrow as 40 cm. Pretty hard to imagine working fourteen hour days under those conditions, especially with minimal light. Claustrophobes need not apply.
From the outside, the bone church looks like a normal church.
(No, it didn't have snow on it when we went - this picture was taken by my buddy Reed in January)
However, its inside is not what you'd expect to find in a house of the Lord.

I thought it was a cool place to visit. My folks weren't as amused.

I want to provide a link to my buddy Ryan's picture blog. He has a way of capturing real Prague life. There may be blackmail material on there. Maybe, maybe not.

All in all, I'd have to say the most important development since the last post has been the emergence of color in Prague. After a few false starts, spring is finally, really here. The grass is green! There are leaves on the trees! You can hear birds other than pigeons. Walk outside without a jacket. Eat and drink outdoors. During the folks' visit, as they were feasting their eyes on the wonders of Praguian architecture and way of life, I relentlessly commented on the leaves on the trees.


Off to enjoy the weather...

Matzah-Man

On a rainy day in Prague, I set out to find matzah for Passover.

Now, I thought it would be a snap, since I found it in December at an Arabic grocer a block or two from my place. Of course they'd have it now. But it wasn't on the shelf where I found it only 4 months ago. I speak in broken Czech to the store owner. Here's one of the times the mispronunciation roles were reversed.
"Mate matzah?" (Do you have matzah?)
"Maso?" (Meat?)
"Ne maso, matzah." (Not meat, matzah.)
"Maso?"
"Ne. Ma-tz-tz-tz-ah."
"Co je matzah?" (What is matzah?)
"It's a cracker. For Passover. It's like bread."
"Never heard of it."
"You had it a couple months ago."
"Well, we don't have it."
And he was right. Not anywhere to be found.

Frustrated, and a little wet, I walk home.
I boot up my computer and search the internet for such sensible things as "kosher food prague," "kosher praha," "matzah prague." Eventually I come across an article written by a fellow Jewish expat describing the woes of finding matzah in this city. However, it says "This year, the rumor is, everything has changed." Which I interpreted as meaning matzah is available.
Very few specifics are found in the article, so I email of the author and ask her for some more information. She gives me the address of some places in the Jewish quarter where I can find matzah, maybe even gefilte fish and - gasp - macaroons! I'm a happy man.
So I write down all necessary information and hit the streets, off to the Jewish quarter. Though my jacket has a hood, I am umbrella-less, and am only so protected by the hood. Especially from cars which like to drive too close to the curb. And given Prague's fantastic street drainage ability, I didn't stay that dry for that long.
I make it to the address I have written down - it's a synagogue in Josefov. All doors are locked. There's a sign that reads "entry is restricted" right next to the list of all the services they conduct. Hmm.
Standing in the rain coming from both the sky and the tires of passing cars, I call to confirm matzah is available. The lady on the other end does not speak English. And given my difficulties with the face-to-face conversation asking for matzah, I didn't bother to do that over the phone. I'm put on hold while the lady searches for someone who speaks English.
Meanwhile, I see a door that people are entering and exiting from. So I go to that door, and a security guard taps me on the shoulder and prevents me from entering. Ok.... For all the times in my life people from afar have correctly guessed my religion, I find it odd that I am not allowed in to the temple.
Still standing in the rain, I am finally put through to someone who speaks English. I ask about the matzah, and the very friendly voice assures me they have it, repeats the address, and tells me to show up before 6. Great. I say, well, I'm outside right now, can I be let in? She says, "Sure!"
So I hear the door buzz and I walk in. Facing two security guards in flak jackets who are looking me up and down, one of whom prevented my entrance before, I repeat my request for matzah.
"Do you have a passport?" One snarls at me.
"Uh, no. Why would I have that with me?"
"Then we have a problem."
"We do?! Why?"
"You're not allowed in."
"All I want is some matzah."
Then the phone rings. The guard at the desk picks it up, garbles something incoherent in Czech, looks at me, grunts once or twice, and then hangs up. Then says, "Ok, you can go through."
Get the matzah. Super.
That only took two hours.

But it was all worth it when I saw my students' faces the following morning as I made them "bitter herb" sandwiches (read: horseradish on matzah) as we talked all about Moses parting the Red Sea and an in-depth discussion into what a locust is.

Chag Sameach!

Water, water everywhere

So, this is spring in Prague. Crazy weather. Gorgeous sun and blue sky suddenly switching to clouds of gray and rain. I think this picture gives an accurate representation of the beautiful blue getting swallowed up by the death gray.

See how it closes the noose around the harmless sky? Damn those death clouds.

With the (relatively) warm temps (I'm still wearing my winter jacket these days), much of the snow and ice from the winter has begun to melt and flood the Vltava. Maybe it's because I'm not tuned into the local news media, but there is very little hype about this. There have been some extra barriers put up, but really, no one seems that worried. Apparently this happens every year, and 3 or 4 years ago there were some real bad floods, so this year's is pretty paltry in comparison.
In any case, the Vltava has flooded, and has provided some interesting photo opportunities.


The weather hasn't been all bad. This past weekend provided us some real great outside opportunities. After five months of dark, cold, grey dreariness, a real spring day seemed unreal. But wouldn't you know, dreams really do come true.


That's about all from Praha. I will conclude by reporting I have been teaching about baseball most of this week, so at least a handful of students know the words to Take Me Out To The Ballgame and the genius of Who's On First? And of course, they now know the last two words to the American national anthem are "Play ball."

And as such, my work here is almost done.